April 30, 2004

I got my placement!!! I am in Laramie!!! Someone throw a party for me!

~bouncy bouncy boucy twirly twirly twirly~

posted at 10:20 AM

April 27, 2004

Barbie is officially single. The article is a few months old...but hey, still interesting.

posted at 5:36 PM

In my neverending quest to convince my instructors that Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a real topic and can be written on, I have managed to convince 2 more instructors that I am right. Some of you may know about my luck in talking Prof. Booth into letting me write about Buffy and Dracula. However, I don't believe that many know of my linguistics paper...other than it has to be done and I don't want to! The Dracula paper has morphed and no longer contains anything about Buffy, but I am still counting it because the original proposal was accepted with no qualms. Linguistics is a fun new game. We aren't supposed to prove anyting, solve anything, propose anything. Basically, we are to do a book report. Only it needs to be more advanced than that because she (the instructor) is under the impression that we are higher level college students and can do this. My original topic was accepted: language and popculture - specifically how words and phrases used in movies and tv shows makes its way into the teen daily language of the time (valley girl....bart simpson phrases....Matrix.....etc.). I was told, "That works...just narrow it down a bit to a specific time or movie." I may be a bit liberal with the narrow it down part, but to me Buffy is narrowing it down. And as I am coming to loathe this instructor she gets no choice. She has to read it as I am just going to write it and hand it in. What can it hurt? She hates me already...this will be nothing new.

~bouncy bouncy bouncy~ I get to write about Bufff-fffyyyy!

posted at 5:14 PM

April 26, 2004

This is something I have know since the first time the arguements started, since the first time I broke into tears after a phone call, from the instant I chose to stay home - hoping that if I played along things would work (That was never something he asked for...but I gave over that power too). I knew that the words hurt more than anything physical he could have done. No matter how much I wanted to deny everything, even while sitting in the Safe office, no matter how many times I have said " I know" since then, no matter how much better I have gotten, it still had not been truly accepted.

This is not a renegging of earlier comments. This is not a poor pitiful me moment. Instead, I am seeing this as a very positive step...a reaffirmation that I am getting over him! I sat at the Clothesline Project table today...I took the " How violent is your relationship quiz"...wandered through the t-shirts, reading. It was hard to read going one-by-one down the rows. I had to remind myself to breathe when I looked at the ones for children. I had to force myself to stay quiet and calm when reading about the physical traumas. I about fell over when I came across one about verbal abuse.

I sat beside Sarah, talking of the powerful statement the shirts made. Personal experience kept creeping in. Finally, I started talking about it. I reached for the shirt basket and chose my craft supplies. I was there to answer questions about the project...instead I was pouring everything I had onto the shirt. Three markers and a child's rhyme later I felt better than I have in a long time. I just needed to acknowledge it, I guess. I was "One of those women". Key word there - was.

It has been a rather draining time, but I think I finally got my clean slate. I don't have to carry this anymore. I left my shirt on the clothesline and walked off...

posted at 5:26 PM

April 23, 2004

So....I found this site, with a great writer - who really does need to post more often, but who am I to complain with erotica like that! Wait! No - I am going to complain. POST MORE OFTEN!!!

posted at 11:03 AM

April 21, 2004

.......We're back! It is good to know that MotherNature still loves messing with Wyoming weather. We have snow again...just in time for AIDSWalk, oh goody!

posted at 9:08 AM

April 20, 2004

Have you ever had one of those times, could be a day, an hour, a week...however long, when nothing connects? Life is almost too busy....but it can't be too busy cause everything is necessary. Things keep happening, people keep moving, chaos seems to play a huge roll....and all you can do is sit back and be disconnected. Not avoiding things, just sliding through them...watching what is going on. You know you have a roll in it but it doesn't seem to be the right time yet, but it has to be because otherwise time will be up. That is where I am. Oh, and the title has nothing to do with anything just an interesting phrase from a poem.

posted at 5:03 PM

April 18, 2004

There once was this pretty little shower curtain with candy colored stripes. It sat alone in Wal-mart just waiting....and waiting. Right next to it tucked behind several gawd-awful(that is the technical term) grandmotherly type bathmats were some fun lil mats with purple hawaiian flowers on them. Together they were very springy. So, they were bought and brought home to see if they could make a bathroom out of the metal box attached to a closet. And they could......but only after much.....MUCH cleaning.

I knew there was a reason I was afraid of the scary red rubber industrial mat that vaguely lined the bottom of my shower. What I didn't realize was that the mat had most likely been there since the dawn of time! I had cleaned all of the shower...even wiped down the mat a few times since moving in...but Oh-My-Goodness! I cannot even describe the evilness that was thriving under that mat. But life is better now...the only ickiness isn't really ickiness - it is where the paint has peeled off the metal box leaving it open to rust. The pretty striped shower curtain and flowered mats now have a home. I can take a shower without sandals! The closet/bathroom is kinda cute now.

Not bad for a Saturday...

posted at 11:14 AM

April 16, 2004

and thus my day has been uneventful and blissfully boring.

posted at 3:50 PM

April 14, 2004

Yup, you read that correctly. That is a gem given to the world by our great leader Mr. Bush (Noone says anything!).........and passed on to an auditorium full of college students by Henry Rollins last night.There was much ranting and general loudness to be had. There was also much swooning, gasping, and shifting in seats and not all of it was because he was talking about being single and horny! He talked NERDY!!! Big words and the knowledge of how to use them properly backed up his beautiful, tattooed, forceful stage prescence. It was a very very good night, and not just cause of Henry. :)

posted at 8:40 AM

April 13, 2004

Must finish:

Senior Seminar - Large final paper and notes......oh! and Linus did we ever turn in the lesson write-up?
English Lit 3 - final paper (5 pages...thank goodness!) and final test...
Linguistics - Freakin' huggggeeee research paper that I have no wish to do...
EDST3000 - Practicum project, portfolio, philosophy statement, and classroom community project and write-up...
Continue eating, sleeping, breathing, bathing, getting dressed
No hiding and ignoring it all....must get it done!

Actually, not as scary seeing it listed out as it was on my calendar....odd.

Oh, yeah! The joyous news of the day........just found out that pre-service teachers are now required to take the Praxis test before they can get their certification. Luckily, this means I will be taking it during the no-score period. What that means is that no matter what score I get it won't matter...I will still get my certification just because I took it.

posted at 4:06 PM

April 12, 2004

Last night. There were stars, a quiet road, a warm car, cocoa, and bed. Thanks.

posted at 9:19 AM

April 09, 2004

I was dreaming....I was being forced to sing songs .....no I don't remember why, sorry. What I do remember is that I tried singing an Easter song several times. Each time I could only remember the first line. Then for some reason the song always became one from The Wizard of Oz. I woke up trying to remember the rest of the song. Still can't get it!

~Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail, hippity hoppity Easter's on its way. It's gone where the goblins go, below, below, so ding dong the witch is dead.....~


posted at 9:13 AM

April 07, 2004

My relationship with Chris is over. I know, it was over when I moved out but there was part of me still clinging. I needed to believe that 5 years meant something. I NEEDED closure. Let's start there. Me in my infinite wisdom and my I-am-strong-and-happy-now attitude saw Chris pulling into the Library (his bar) yesterday while I was on my way to WAN. I didn't freak out...I didn't even check to see if anyone was with him. Major accomplishments to me! Somewhere along the lines of a rather good day I decided that I could handle emailing him. I missed him and still had a lot of things to return to him. So there was a brief email, no emotions were involved, life was good. Then came a not so nice pre-ending. (details only on demand) Followed by a response from me which caused a great deal of tears. I started feeling bad again. I wasn't hoping for a fairytale...but at least he could have been nice. I deserved a full sentence! So I get an email giving me the ending I needed. I knew and ending was the only option left...was fine with that. But I was expecting a plain simple...no....not a chance...over my dead body....I've moved on and am fucking some slut as I type...........something along those lines....a nice normal we are over statement. That isn't what I was given. What I got was enough to make me laugh and cry at the same time.(Yet again details can be obtained through force......or chocolate.) I am currently in a state somewhat close to hysteria...........but not in a bad way...really....honestly! He couldn't have chosen a better way to cut my ties and end this if he had tried. And well some of you will be glad to know...it has also gotten rid of my pesky need to want to talk to him. I can't say that I am not still hurt. But this is better. I can deal with this...I can get over this. And wow, can that boy throw a curve ball.

posted at 8:43 AM

April 04, 2004

Please welcome the newest member of Mandyland - the Weather Diva! Please be nice...she is only reporting on the conditions that MotherNature is sharing with us....she is not predicting or controlling the weather. She is also a bit of a fashionista....changing outfits regularly. (Hint: check out the bottom of the page)

posted at 9:13 PM

Daylight savings almost got the best of me. In my drained emotional state last night I completely forgot about the spring forward time change. Luckily, between my cat and a boy from Texas wanting my attention I was up and going by 10. This is a very very good thing! My house needs to be cleaned - but that is pretty much always a given so I can deal with it. Got my mom moved into her new place...in a little under 4 hours. And I will not say anything bad about her friends because they did help her move, but that does not mean they have my respect. Watched a good movie with friends last night, slept through most of an ok movie with friends last night. Had some fun dreams about Hawaii - maybe that is where I am supposed to be?

And what did I learn from all of this?

Well, first off I recieved a cosmic reminder (again) that just because emotions are running high and there is stress...the situation may seem horrible and never ending...eventually the good will come through..bright and shiny!

Second, I have a beautiful and glorious community of friends for support. They may not even realize it ...but to have a room full of people all willing to lounge...joke...relax...and not comment on the fact that I am in my jammies at 7 pm on a Saturday was just what I needed.

posted at 12:08 PM

April 03, 2004

Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish Big Fish!
~I am NOT crying over a fish!~

posted at 12:03 AM

April 02, 2004

I was cute.

Went to the highshool - last day of my practicum. Rough day! I have had more dealings with the political side of the schooling business than I ever really hoped to have. First there is the basic idea that I am not supposed to "talk out their problems" with the students. Instead I am to let them either sit in class and waste both my time and theirs...or am supposed to send them to a counselor whom they openly call a joke. But I am not supposed to get personal with these kids....huh? Then there is a hassel with the possibility of the school moving. Across town into a now empty elementary school. Why? Politics. The problems abound in this issue. They include the fact that the school by its own rules only wants a maximum of 50 students...they are at 40 now....why would they needs tons of rooms? There is also the surrounding community that is having issues. The residences around Whiting right now are fine with these kids...in fact one woman baked cookies for them today. But will the people living around the elementary school give these kids a chance to prove themselves before they are burnt at the stake? No, of course not...that would be open minded and accepting. We can't have that in the world now can we?
It was a half day, end of quarter, the seniors are done now. Great kids - glad I got a chance to work with them!

I was still cute!

Finally finished writing my Lit paper for Beth. Thank gawd some teachers are forgiving if you beg n plead enough...and have a good excuse like writer's block...that other instructors can vouch for as well.

Spent some time in the RRC...talking about the TBTN march. I am bothered by the militantism that makes women want to segregate out the men that are there and willing to support us. These aren't the men who rape. Well they might be..but that would be one of the best hiding places in the world! These men aren't joining in because they feel we need their strength and protection. They aren't joining in because they feel we couldn't do this ourselves. They are making a very public stand against the attitudes and system that caused the problems in the first place. It isn't right to separate them and point a nasty finger under the guise of educating them. They are trying to change the system from within, continually telling them "no we don't want you" isn't going to gain anything except for a cold shoulder when we do need them. I am sorry, but yes listening to survivors tell their stories is amazing ...but personally I think it takes more strength to be the one on the outside trying to offer unconditional support.

Ate a pink triangle doughnut....there were lots left.

Took a nap.....hung up on my mom a few times...I was not going to get a headache!

Got dressed...uh-huh...still cute!

Sitting at work wishing I hadn't worked so hard to get caught up this week....nothing really for me to do ...well at least not that i can do at the lab. ;) Waiting until time runs out so I can call Abra and Linus and see what sort of de-stress for the weekend is available. If not with them, then lots of cuddle time for my kitty. Either way is good.

Yep, still cute.

posted at 5:54 PM

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